Our Angel's Story
What is pain? Does anyone ever have a true definition of it? I thought I had felt pain before, of the physical and emotional kind, but I was misguided. Recently we lost our baby, our beautiful little girl and now our angel. If anyone had told us this could happen, never in a million years would we have believed them. I (Erin) have 2 adorable and seemingly healthy sons from a previous marriage and Dave has a beautiful healthy daughter from his previous marriage. My pregnancy with Aubrey was amazing and her delivery, a c-section, was flawless... that beautiful cry she made was breathtaking, it sounded so healthy. Aubrey was born at 0835 on 11/19 weighing in at 7 pounds 3 ounces with a length of 19". On 11/21 we were released to go home. Things seemed different, Aubrey really didn't cry much, she had very little interest in eating and she slept A LOT but the doctor's were not concerned so what was I supposed to think? We celebrated Thanksgiving with our beautiful angel... we even got a picture of her next to the turkey that was the same size as her.
On 11/24 I was sitting at the computer showing off my baby girl over the web cam to her proud Nana and we had just said goodbye so I could feed my angel a bottle and she seemed to choke on the formula. I didn't think anything of it I just lifted her up and patted/rubbed her back... but then her body went limp and she turned white. I stood up and told my husband that something was wrong and started to kind of bounce her as I walked while still rubbing/patting her back but she was not responding and was also not breathing so I put her down and administered CPR while my hubby called 911. We were rushed to the ER at Naval Hospital Guam (where she was born) where they got her on an IV and did a CAT scan and chest X-Ray. Aubrey was admitted back into the hospital and we were told she would be "observed" for at least 7 days (standard procedure for anyone who has needed CPR) and released-- but things only seemed to get worse from there.
Between 11/24 and 11/25 Aubrey had multiple episodes of what happened the morning of the 24th. She would be feeding and then all of a sudden it seemed like she was holding her breath. Her heart rate would drop really low and her body would go limp. The episodes only lasted a few minutes but they were happening more and more frequently. On the evening of the 25th Dr. R, Aubrey's pediatrician, was called into the hospital for a unrelated event but decided to stop by to see how her little patient was doing. Soon after stepping into the Nursery (Naval Hospital Guam is ill equipped and does not have a NICU) Aubrey had another of the episodes and I think this is what kicked Dr. R into action.
On 11/26 around 0730 while I was walking to go see Aubrey in the nursery Dr. R came into the Mother Baby Unit (the doors where located to my back as I was walking towards the nursery) and called my name. She asked if we could talk in my room and that is when she proceeded to tell me that Aubrey was getting MEDEVAC'd to Tripler Army Medical Center (TAMC) in Hawaii because the care in their facility was better then what Guam's Navy Hospital could provide since they didn't have a NICU. Our flight left Guam around 3am on 11/27 but we arrived into Hawaii around 2pm on 11/26. Immediately upon arrival at TAMC the Doctor's began working on her; little did we know how critical she was. While trying to get a better "line" in her right arm she was losing massive amounts of blood which lead to them giving her blood transfusions and platelets. Her blood pressure was unstable; her pulse ox started to waiver and her heart had to work overtime because of her blood pressure and the fact that her little body had gained at least 1-2 pounds from fluid.
11/28 is the last time my husband and I remember interacting with our baby girl, it's the last time she had her eyes open and responded to our touch... we feel it's the last time her spirit was actually in her body.
On 11/29 we were MEDEVAC'd yet again to San Diego where Aubrey was being sent to Rady Children's Hospital... a facility with even better care that could offer us more options such as dialysis and organ transplants. Before we even took off on the plane Aubrey's stats dropped to dangerous levels and they told us the decision was ours. We could either take off and try and get her to the Children's hospital where she still had options OR we could go back to Tripler where she would spend her last couple of hours/days and we could say good bye... we said take off now. Aubrey made the 5+ hour flight but barely, twice we were told she was at dangerous levels and might not stabilize-- that she stood a very high risk of passing away while on the flight. Upon landing (around 7pm on the 29th) we made the 15 minute drive to the hospital where we were told Aubrey was in very critical & unstable condition and the sickest baby in their NICU. We met with a transplant doctor who discussed our options with us but the options would only be possible if she stabilized.
We left the hospital around 11:45pm to go to the hotel, drop off our bags and possibly shower/sleep but around 1am we got a call from the doctor's telling us we needed to come back, that our angel was not doing well at all. When we arrived at the hospital the blue light over head in front of her room was going off and doctors surrounded my baby girl. A female doctor came up to us and told us what was going on. Without going into specifics she told us our daughter's body was shutting down and that there was not much more they could do for her. I don't think I have ever cried as much as I did that morning seeing my precious angel slowly losing this battle. At 2:30am I was handed my precious baby girl and sat with her as the machines were turned off. I knew that if I saw her take another breath, if she showed me she was still able to fight, that I would tell them to keep going-- but once the respirator was turned off her little chest stopped going up and down immediately. Pain never felt more intense then it did at that very moment as I placed kisses all over her beautiful little face and said my goodbyes.
